Friday, September 30, 2016

Chapter 1 - Profit Mania

In my first year as a CEO I was given ambitious sales and profit targets. These were based on an assumption that we would close a contract and deliver a huge project for the dairy industry. Half way through that year a nation-wide social protest erupted, boycotting the dairy industry. As a repercussion the project was put on hold, blowing a huge hole in my budget. Reaching targets seemed impossible. I was clueless and restless. Not meeting targets would be a failure, and failure was not a possible outcome. I was confused. I felt I had to do something, to take action. To be creative, to find a solution, whatever it takes. Endless hours at work and sleepless nights went by.

Eventually, we finished the year within 86% of our target, well above the adversity that could have been inflicted by the cancellation of the dairy project. It was a challenging first year, with it’s successes and failures, but overall and relative to previous years, the company was now bigger than ever, though not as big as expected.

This was an Information Technology (IT) consulting firm, and I have been with the firm for 14 years. I started as a junior consultant and rapidly worked my way up the executive ladder. I enjoyed my work and was focused on it. The many challenges of a growing company fed my passion for achievement. I have learned much and we were very successful.


With success the company’s appetite for profits grew bigger and bigger. There is a thin line between a legitimate pursue of a business to grow, and an unhealthy desire for more. What defines that line? When do you cross the line? What are the symptoms? Is there ever enough? At times I had my doubts about where this was leading to, but most of the time I was preoccupied with getting the job done.  I was running the rat race. Maybe I chose to look the other way, or maybe I just didn’t have confidence that other  possibilities exited. The company was growing, and I was growing with it. Perhaps I hoped things would somehow change for the better.

Now was my second year as CEO, and targets were raised higher - increase profits by 30%. If I would top my target I would get a nice bonus, but if I would come within range of target, I would earn less than in the previous year. Target and compensation were non-negotiable. It was like a soldier being called to receive orders for his next mission. And a ‘soldier’ I was. 


Throughout the years my superiors became accustomed to me taking on any given challenge, no matter what circumstances. I had a reputation as a manager who would do whatever it took to deliver on my commitments. This was an unhealthy relationship and it was taking its toll.  All my time, all my creativity and all my energy were focused on chasing profit targets set by people with motives different than mine.  This was not the life I dreamed.

Now, at the so called ‘height of my career’, I came to the realization that I was in the wrong place. In Stephan R. Covey’s words, “I worked harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall.”

Realizing that all these years I have been climbing the wrong ladder is a very confusing and painful revelation. It raises many questions on how and why this has become, and fears of further setbacks. I was in a lucrative and sought-after position, supposedly a chance of a lifetime. You can’t just bail out, climb off the ladder, walk away. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong? Can I change for the better?

Fortunately for me, I was working with a personal coach who I have hired shortly after entering the position of CEO. Through the process of coaching I learned to understand my paradigms, my misconceptions, and my fears. Slowly and thoroughly I rebuilt my confidence in my basic values. I contemplated on what I wanted from life and on understanding how and why it was so different from the life I was living. What fears kept me from pursuing the life I really wanted.

Make no mistake, I was not some Fortune 500 CEO. No Ferrari parked outside my home, no shares, no golden parachutes. This was a 150 employee firm, subsidiary of a fairly sized IT Services company. I was an ordinary guy, a middle class executive who had a family to feed, a mortgage to pay, and had to keep working for a living.

Towards the end of my second year as CEO, at the age of 42, after 15 years with the firm, I was wholeheartedly ready to resign. To find my own path and explore:

Can I prosper in the modern, competitive world and do business honestly and ethically? 

Can I manage exciting projects, pursue deadlines, yet maintain healthy relationships? 
Can I employ people, without exploiting and being exploited, to genuinely live Win/Win? 
Can family, career, and well-being be harmoniously balanced in a purposeful and meaningful existence? 
Are there entrepreneurs and business men and women who share my values and aspirations?

Life is short, too short to be wasted. I had a strong inclination that all these were possible, but it was yet for me to be discovered. At the time I did not know where I would go or what I would do, but wherever it would be, I was ready to go. 


And so the journey begins....




Chapter 2
 

5 comments:

  1. I really happy for you, for you decision to review the values and priorities . It is incredibly difficult to start this journey and I proud of you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience.

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